Friday, January 31, 2014

Five Years

Can you believe it? I've had this blog for five years now, from freshman year of college to now my second semester of 2L year in law school. Crazy.

I'm back at school, and I am SO CLOSE to finishing this book, I swear. Maybe 5k-7k away. I'm basically within hollering distance of the ending. I can't wait. I started this book last January, so it has officially taken over a year to write it. I think that's the longest I've ever spent, although of course, I didn't spend the entire year writing.

On the non-writing side of things, I'm absolutely thrilled with my schedule for the semester. It's much more tailored to my interests than last semester, which was horrible, and I'm starting to get back into looking forward to going to class. I am still on a very good streak emotionally. It is hard, extremely hard, to be okay with not being the best. And I know that sounds disingenuous, coming from where I'm sitting in one of the best law schools in America, poised to do probably whatever I want in the legal field, there is always someone better, and when you're at the top, you're at a great vantage point to see all the people who are giants and have achieved so much more than you. Even your classmates seem like they're positioning themselves on a track that if you don't scramble to keep up, will leave you in the dust. And when you are successful, you become gripped with this terror that if you don't keep it up, everyone will immediately notice you are a fraud and all you've achieved will fall to pieces. Yet simultaneously caught in the relentless fear that you are invisible to the eyes of everyone who might matter.

But I guess, like in writing, it's important to remind yourself that success is not a zero sum game, and everybody's life story is a different one. We're all traveling at different speeds, maybe even different directions.

Who knows, in five years, I could be in a different destination than I ever dreamed possible. At any rate, the heroine in my book is reaching the end of her journey, and in some ways, we're going through similar struggles. I am fascinated to see what she will think, when it's all said and done.

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