Thursday, February 4, 2010

10 Ways A Real Book Is Better

I had a real post, but I'll post it Monday because who needs substance when you can create LISTS? This is my semi-humorous (but TOTALLY SERIOUS) response to this whole e-book pricing debacle. 10 ways a real book is better than an e-book:

1. If you are short like me (5'1", Sarah, so I think I win in the self-pity department), you can use it as a cushion to prop you up when you drive so you can see over your steering wheel and not get pulled over by a cop for looking like you're a 9-year-old who ganked a car.

2. Doorstop. Obvious. Breaking Dawn works really well for this function.

3. You look smarter reading one. The thicker the better.

4. Reason to go to the bookstore and check out cute boys, HELLO. 

5. Bookshelf filler. What are you going to put in your bookshelves without paper books? Think about how lame it would be if in Beauty and the Beast, instead of giving Belle a massive library (which is like, every girl's dream), Beast handed her a Kindle with 1500 titles. Totally not as impressive or swoon-worthy.

6. Real books don't run out of batteries.

7. You can attempt to read real books while taking a bath (yes I have done this, and also considered laminating books so I could read them in the shower; don't lie, you have definitely thought about it at least once), while I don't really think you'd want to attempt taking an electronic device in the bathtub with you. 

8. If you are stranded on a desert island, you can use it as a pillow. Or eat it. I bet it's more nourishing than a plastic e-reader. Paper has fiber, right?

9. If a thief breaks into your house, you can beat him senseless with it (hardcover preferred). I bet you can't do that with a Kindle! 

10. You can burn them if you're really mad at something. Or throw them. Or rip them up! The therapeudic uses are ENDLESS.

I want the Shamwow guy to make a commercial of this.

Bonus: Real books smell better. Fact. Don't even try to dispute this.


  1. I would just like to let you know that you *can* beat someone senseless with a Kindle. Not that I'm speaking from experience or anything.

    LOL, using Breaking Dawn as a doorstop. Oh-no-you-did-not!

    Finally, I think I've started to come to terms with the height thing. See, Johnny Depp is 5"6, and I'm 5"4. Match made in heaven, am I right? I am right. And fully embrace my height.

  2. lol! That is funny. I couldn't ever use a real book for any of those things though. They're gold! Hey, if I had gold, it could be the doorstop and the weapon and the... well, it wouldn't taste very good, but still. I'd rather abuse a kindle with all those things than a real book. They're sacred! :D

  3. I would use Breaking Dawn as a source of nutrition on a desert island, although it would probably kill you with sap-overload. @_@ Haha, I'm glad I'm not the only one who hates e-books. My favorite idea was definitely the "Beauty and the Beast" comment about the Beast giving Belle a Kindle. So anticlimactic/unromantic. I will gladly keep my overstuffed bookcases any day over scrolling through my Kindle library. @_@ I love your blog so far, Xixi.

  4. You are so right about the smell, and damned if that's not the biggest reason I think most people are loath to give up their real books.

    But if I want to read steamy romance novels at work and tell everyone I'm reading Proust, I guess I need to brush up on my bookbinding skillz. ;)

    Fun post! Have a great weekend!

  5. Love your list! Hilarious. I approve of your use of Breaking Dawn. I totally agree with a bunch of your points, especially about the ones involving books as weapons. I mean, you brandish a Kindle at someone, they might laugh or be confused. You brandish a heft book at them, they'll flinch.

    Such a big part of the appeal of books is the tactile, physical experience of them - the smell, the feel, the look. Plus, since I can't read while traveling in ANYTHING that is moving without getting nauseous, the convenience of not having to lug around a bunch of physical books by having a light-weight e-Reader is lost on me. XP

  6. Good points. I love my Kindle, but can't imagine it ever taking the place of real books. I kind of go back and forth. There's just something about flipping pages.

    Have a great weekend!

  7. AGREED! A huge library would be the ULTIMATE gift. And I really thought I was the only one who ever considered laminating a book to bring it in the shower...I'm not alone... :)