Monday, February 23, 2009

Fruits of My Labor

2,000 words.  I practically killed myself in the process, but what's a little blood, sweat, and tears when you can finally stand back and say: I did it.  I cannot lie; I like Chapter 13 very much (what's there so far, anyway).  In fact, I like it so much that I'm putting up a short excerpt.  It's only 200ish words, so I figure it's safe to display it.  I may take it down later.  Whatever strikes me.

Anyway, I got into "Drop the Needle," so my submission will be up on Wednesday for critique.  I won't say which one it is.  I will post it here (all 250 words of it!) after the session is officially over.  The more I think about it, the less I like my submission, but eh.  It's better that I get criticisms for it so I can fix it up anyway.  The theme is chapter endings, and my particular selection is from the end of Chapter 5.

And here is my excerpt, as promised:

A slender figure slipped out from the bark of the tree, one delicate hand pressed over her giggling lips.  Her skin almost glowed, bone pale, and her hair streamed over her shoulders in ripples, twigs and flowers twined messily in the gold-brown strands.  “Me?” she said innocently, a devilish flash in her eye.
I was scared out of my wits.  Some ghostly, beautiful creature had just materialized out of a tree in front of me—never mind that I was a ghost myself.  This girl definitely wasn’t a ghost.  She pulsed with life.  She had a faint smell of Persephone.
The girl saw that I was lost for words.  “My name is Clytie,” she said musically.  “I’m a tree nymph.”
I stared at her in shock.  “A tree nymph,” I repeated in disbelief.  “How is a tree nymph living in the underworld?”
Clytie waved her hand flippantly at the forest around us.  “We are nymphs that died when our trees in the world of life above were cut down or otherwise killed.  Persephone let us live anew in her garden.  Now we guard her trees here.”
Tree nymphs.  So there were more.  Excellent.
“You are an intruder,” she said, but she was grinning, like she found it a great joke.

1 comment:

  1. Hey. I like your excerpt -- I'm kind of wondering if Clytie will end up helping or hindering the MC's progress. Not that, of course, I actually know the plot, but it's interesting nonetheless that I could see it going either way.